What follows is an exclusive partial list of Santa’s Naughty & Nice list, notes and commentary for 2024. This includes a number of stars throughout the wrestling world including some of WR’s own staff:
Stars of the Wrestling World:
Drew McIntyre – Where do I begin with you this year, you praying for someone’s injury followed by your obsession over a bracelet and jealousy over a man’s love for a dog would get you coal but Larry bit me last year so here’s a jet ski.
Matthew and Nicholas Jackson – I’ve known you boys since before Matthew thought it was fashionable to wear pearls, you’re not Martha Wayne just stop. Anyway, you assaulted your boss, not saying he didn’t deserve it (I know what you’ve done Tony, I can see if you’ve been naughty or nice). Sorry lost track again, oh yes even though you are the worlds most overrated tag team, I love Succession and your knockoff entrance music, so here’s the complete series on Blu-ray.
Chris Jericho – My old Y2J problem of what to get you. Part of me wants to give you an axe to chop down the horrible learning tree because it’s not funny cringe it’s just cringe. You know how many children write me that all they want for Christmas is you off their TV especially a little boy named Sammy Guevara, he writes like every week. However, since every one of your segments helps put me to sleep after a long day in the workshop, here’s a DVD set of CM Punk’s best matches. Consider it Santa’s compromise between coal and a really nice gift. Also, seriously dude stop calling yourself the king of New York, no one believes you and it’s just sad.
Matt and Jeff Hardy – I’m still amazed you’re still jumping off stuff. I blame myself really, call me irresponsible but it was the 80s a much different time and you had a rough childhood, and you asked for a ladder. So, I gave a 8- and 6-year-old Hardy Boys the ladder you wanted not the 8-footer that you asked for but a small 3-footer. Mrs. Claus said you just wanted to jump off of it but I said not these good boys…she’s never let me live it down. Anyway, congrats on the TNA tag titles boys and here is a $500 CVS gift card for each of you for bandages and such.
CM Punk – Always the rebel your whole life, even though Larry bit me last year, I won’t hold it against you. I can tell that for the first time in your career you are actually legitimately happy. The only thing that I know you want more than anything and that is a WrestleMania main event, Santa will work on getting you that in Vegas.
Darby Allin – The only one on this list that is more reckless than the Hardys, so what do I get the guy that literally wants nothing but to climb Everest and to jump off of stuff? You literally set a man on fire on PPV this year, which under normal circumstances would get you coal, but since it was little Jack Perry, Santa will allow it. Anyway, here is some hiking boots for Everest.
Jack Perry – Honestly kid, I never liked you and totally deserved how Punk choked you out last year and Darby torching you. So, here’s a return of CM Punk to WWE plaque, you made it all possible kid. You’ll never achieve anything more meaningful in your career. Santa has gotta be honest kid.
Kofi & Xavier – You boys were always on the Nice list, but Santa is beyond disappointed in you boys after you disrespected Big E…so you boys get coal.
Cody Rhodes – There is probably nothing that Santa can give you this year that can match or exceed what finishing the story at WrestleMania 40. Without a doubt it is the moment of year. However, Cody, I can see the Homelander in you coming out little by little, so all I can give is the advice and this blu-ray set of the Skywalker Saga so you can see the parrels of turning to the dark side.
Kevin Owens – You know you are on the Naughty List, after betraying two of your best friends. You get nothing from Santa this year because Santa doesn’t need to risk a package piledriver for some stale cookies at your house.
Swerve Strickland – Santa doesn’t know what to get you after you lost your title and your childhood home in a manner of a few months. Anything I give you won’t make up for it, so I don’t know maybe a Jelly of the month membership, the gift that keeps on giving the whole year.
Will Ospreay – Certainly a banner year for you in the ring, all Santa can give you this year is a reality check stop worrying about some guy’s star ratings they are meaningless and are his opinions not facts.
Randy Orton – You spent most of your life on my Naughty List but after what little Kevin Owens did to you this year, what I can give you Randy is my permission to punt him Randy, you have a one free punt pass. Make it count!
Roman Reigns – Nobody had a bigger reality check than you this year as you were on top of the world until WM 40 changed all of that and your personal losses in your life. You started on my Naughty list but you made a turn around. You want the ula fala as that means more to you than anything else and you don’t need Santa’s help to beat “Suge Knight” Sikoa, but Santa can give you a pass to do whatever you want in Tribal Combat on Raw on Netflix on January 6, 2025, so it won’t affect your 2025 Naughty or Nice ranking.
Wrestling Republic Staff:
Soul – You know Santa respects what you do helping people so here’s Drew’s used socks from when he kicked Punk in the face…Santa doesn’t ask questions or judge about this stuff.
Clark – You know I can’t give you most of these things on your list but here is Nikkita’s phone number. Remember you didn’t get it from me and don’t tell Chaos because I told him I didn’t have it. PS thanks for hooking Santa up with the great seats at the Kings game, Santa doesn’t forget and appreciates it, Clark.
Anthony – What to get a soccer team owner that has every belt he wants and a crown? You are incredibly sarcastic and could put you on the coal list but then I see the smiles on the faces of the artisan women in the mountains of Peru that you have gotten your alpaca hoodies from; therefore, I think you deserve another Mania trip…enjoy Vegas! Remember Santa says put your money on Red.
Coby – What does Santa get the Canadian that pisses people off with his reviews every show? I guess another external hard drive for “your content”. It is the least Santa can do after the angry fan response to your reviews and Clark and Anthony busting your chops all year.
Archie – Santa knows you need better internet but there is only so much he can do. So, in the meantime, here is one of those Alpaca hoodies from the mountains of Peru that you’ve admired that Anthony has.
Chaos – I know nothing I can give you will top you laughing in Allison’s face when Cody finished the story at WM 40 making Ben Allison’s prediction wrong. However, please accept the deed of full ownership of the color blue background light.
Jordy – You are the literally the easiest person to get something for on this list, here is a Mickey Mouse statue wearing a Cena shirt and holding a chicken tender…also sorry for Santa confusing you with Dom Mysterio (my bad).
Shad – An eventful year for you, and the only thing that Santa can think of that you may want is a Tiffy briefcase as a reminder it is always Tiffy Time.
Megan – You are one of the biggest Cody fans in the world, so here is autographed Cody weight belt enjoy!
David – Santa doesn’t know how you watch so much wrestling and films during the year and even though Santa can’t give you more time in the day, here is a $50 Apple store card to buy some movies.
Ignacio – You are easily one of the most controversial WR personalities, but Santa agrees with a lot of your takes at times. Here is a “I’m right” mug.
Josh – You have a very bright future young man, here is a $100 gift card to the university bookstore.
Ben Allison – I’m sorry I can’t guarantee you an Arsenal championship this year and you aren’t getting a Pretty Deadly tag championship run but here’s a Arsenal jacket (Santa don’t want to hear you complaining about being cold) and a big disco ball so you can yes boys to your hearts content.
ITTMP
