Disclaimer: This is being written in good fun with sarcasm, satire and Christmas easter eggs spread throughout this piece. This is all being written for a laugh. I’m NOT saying CM Punk hates Christmas.
As children we have all either had the Dr. Seuss book read to us or have seen at least one of the movie adaptations of this classic story. As children we have the perception that the Grinch hates Christmas and in fact the original cartoon says as much. However, as you get older and get out in the world you kind of realize that the Grinch probably didn’t really hate Christmas, he probably just reached a point that he couldn’t stand the people of Whoville. I’m sure anyone that has been walking this earth long enough especially those working in any form of customer service fully relates with the Grinch being sick of people.
People can certainly beat you down, so you start sympathizing with the Grinch once you realize the people of Whoville bullied him and essentially made him an outcast. Now put the cookie down that you’re about to throw at the screen, I’m not saying that makes it okay for him to go all Marv and Harry Wet Bandits style and steal the people of Whoville’s Christmas. All I’m saying is the people of Whoville may think they are the jolliest bunch of as**oles this side of the nuthouse, but the way they treated the Grinch may easily be construed as them just being as**oles and driving him to a breaking point (especially the Jim Carrey Grinch).
Why Is CM Punk The Grinch?
The Grinch is misunderstood, he is just portrayed as the one-dimensional Christmas hater, but we know as we go through life ourselves it isn’t just one dimensional. When I saw someone post a comment “as an adult you realize the Grinch doesn’t hate Christmas, but hates people which is fair”, after I stopped laughing at the accuracy of it, I started to think who in wrestling would fit as the Grinch of the wrestling world in the sense of being misunderstood and it take me long to come to the conclusion that it is probably CM Punk.
Let’s start with the one redeeming quality of the Grinch that is in every version of the tale even though it is portrayed in varying degrees that he hates Christmas and hates people; the guy isn’t completely heartless as he is a caring dog parent to Max. Yes, I know his heart is supposed to be two sizes too small, but that is really a medical issue not a love capacity issue…he should totally get that heart checked out after the holidays.
Anyway, the first comparison between Punk and the Grinch has to despite all the negative perception of CM Punk over the years, has there ever been any doubt that the man loves his dog, Larry? Like the Grinch with Max, CM Punk with Larry is an inseparable caring bond. It is a universal you cannot be a complete bad guy if you have a loving relationship with your dog. Allow me to point out that Dr. Evil had a cat not a dog.
So, what else besides dog ownership that connects CM Punk to the Grinch, well being ostracized by locker rooms aka the Whoville’s of wrestling certainly fits as well. It is common knowledge almost 10 years ago, CM Punk and WWE had a massive falling out. Like the Grinch leaving Whoville and moving into exile at the top of a mountain, CM Punk exiled himself to his hometown of Chicago.
See like the Grinch, CM Punk is often misunderstood. As CM Punk has said people may consider him an asshole but has a good heart to those that he lets into his inner circle. As told by Joey Mercury, in CM Punk’s WWE Documentary from 10 years ago, that Punk probably doesn’t want anyone to know this, but when I was having financial issues and was on the verge of losing my house, Punk paid the house off for me.
See Punk like the Grinch is very guarded on who he lets into his life as he has been used for his fame and money from people, he considered his friends. As he details in his WWE documentary, he did not have a great upbringing and according to Punk his own brother allegedly stole from him. So, it is completely understandable that Punk would be extra cautious who he lets into his life and is a little rough around the edges, so he doesn’t get hurt again. Just like the Grinch was hurt by people, he hurt others before they could hurt him.
A New Whoville?
For seven years CM Punk remained in mostly exile from the wrestling world except for a short run-on WWE Backstage before he would try out a new Whoville that claimed to be Elite. For seven years the fans demanded CM Punk to return, but his previous Whoville’s mayor didn’t want anything to do with him, so he remained the Black Sheep looking for a new Whoville. As I wrote at the time, it was a massive win for AEW bringing in someone the caliber of CM Punk.
However, this would dissolve quicker than Frosty the Snowman on a mild weather day. CM Punk allegedly found a Whoville of young talent that didn’t want to hear his advice because they felt they already knew better than him. Despite none of them had the proven success in this business compared to Punk’s success outside of very few people in that locker room. Soon the locker room would get more and more divided as they ostracized CM Punk when vicious rumors began to spread through the dirt sheets about CM Punk of the village by people claiming they were “journalists”.
This of course result in CM Punk delivering a heated takedown of the individuals that he felt were responsible for the rumors during a press conference that embarrassed the village and the young Elite mayor of this Whoville that looked like a deer staring into an oncoming car’s headlights. This press conference and the ensuing alleged brawl where a chair not a festivus pole was allegedly thrown, took place after the press conference had a level of heat that the Heat Miser was envious. Punk was airing his grievances like he was celebrating Festivus a few months early and wouldn’t stop until someone pinned him and it didn’t look like Elite mayor wanted to do it. Next was a chill that fell over the company that the Snow Miser was in his glory.
Despite not fixing the issues that led up to and caused the explosive press conference, the Elite mayor made the colossal mistake of releasing the abominable snowman loose in the village again thinking that somehow this would all work out like a Christmas miracle? It didn’t to the shock of no one.
This would finally come to a head when the village’s Hermey The Misfit Elf from the 90210 zip code, who thought it was a good idea to taunt CM Punk over a Justin Timberlake song and would soon find out CM Punk was a mean one and not Red-Nosed Reindeer who would just take the reindeer games abuse and Hermey would soon regret it. The Elite mayor soon stated he “feared for his life” and banished CM Punk from his Elite fiefdom like the Grinch was banished from Whoville.
After this all went down there was speculation on what the future held for CM Punk, on a wonderful program, Take It To The Table hosted by the phenomenal Chaos, I began to give my opinion that I felt CM Punk was returning home to the Entertainment Whoville…and I’d soon be proven right.
The Grinch’s Return Home:
So, what happened was like CM Punk was ridiculed by those in the Elite Whoville and supporters of it and I was told after I wrote a piece about how I would have fantasy book his return, I was told by the comment section of the Wrestling Republic Instagram page I was wrong, and it would never happen. The comment section felt that WWE wouldn’t touch CM Punk with a thirty-nine and a half foot pole, but I believed not only was it possible but it would happen at Survivor Series.
Hell would indeed freeze over to the point that Frosty could return and so could CM Punk. Most of the residents of Whoville who weren’t there ten years ago welcomed back the legendary Grinch. The acceptance of the WWE fans welcoming him home to most of the locker room and finally his old rival who is now in charge of Whoville making the black sheep feel at home, it was at that point the Grinch’s heart grew as he returned home at the village’s annual Survivor Series. In Punk’s return promo he referenced a wise man that is the equivalent of three, thanking him on advising him to leave ten years ago and even though he didn’t say it I think he may have advised him to return now.
There is one person in the village that knows Punk and isn’t welcoming him back and that would be the king of drip, the WWE World Heavyweight Champion, Seth Rollins. He made it clear he hates the Grinch and the Grinch said that is fine at the Royal Rumble he’ll throw out 29 other Whos in order to wrestle Seth Rollins for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship in the main event of WrestleMania 40.
My money is on the Grinch to win the Royal Rumble and face Seth for the title at Mania 40 in the Night 1 main event. Ben Allison I see your tweet and I raise you the Grinch will be main eventing with Seth for the title at WM 40.
This piece was just done for fun and hopefully you got some laughs out of it. Even though I don’t know Phil Brooks, I would hope he could at least get a chuckle out of the Black Sheep moniker that I have used when describing him and the comparison to the Grinch. Not making any excuses for things that Punk has done, but just like the story of the Grinch it isn’t always so black and white all the time and sometimes people are misunderstood.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!